Originally published October 20, 2019
A couple of years ago I decided to get my act together and pursue a healthier lifestyle. I should mention here that I am a plus size person and although I have fluctuated, being fat has typically been a fact in my life. Even so, I’ve always been very active and nutritionally aware. Like most people, I don’t always get it right, I get off track… then I get back on. It was time to get back on track. I met with a personal trainer to begin making a plan. I thought some input from a professional at the beginning of this “new healthier me” journey would be valuable. She walked me through the program. We discussed a nutrition plan. What excercise regimen I should follow. I was wearing part of my new activewear wardrobe- comfortable and sporty. Hey, a girl wants to feel good AND look good (even while sweating).
Towards the end of our session, as we planned our next meeting, she leaned towards me and said, “Congratulations. I’m glad you’re here. You’re being really brave.”
Think of what it means to be brave. Soldiers in the battlefield. Fire fighters and police rushing into harms way to save lives. Political dissidents in totalitarian regimes speaking up at great personal risk. Whistleblowers who risk livelihoods and reputations to bring dark truths into the light. These are brave acts.
Was THIS really brave? Just daring to step into the full light of a fitness center wearing yoga pants and having the audacity to get on a treadmill? Right there, where everyone could see, in front of a concerned and dubious audience?
Should it be such a brave act to simply be visible?
I was doing what everyone else at the gym was doing. But for me to do it… that’s “brave”.
I was pursuing a healthy lifestyle through exercise. Plenty of out-of-shape couch potatoes have made their way through those doors ready to make a change, but if they are smaller in size they are accepted without comment. A bigger body, that attracts comments – behind the back and to the face. We are judged. People who don’t know anything about us but our size have opinions. They make assumptions. My day to day lifestyle might be healthier than the next 130 pound chick who walks in (who knows- she might be a cigarette smoker with a pack-a-day habit who lives on cherry coke and fast food), but because I gained weight at some point, I am assumed to be the one consuming my way to an early grave. Nevermind that all recent checkup results have shown me to be in good health. Blood pressure – great. No diabetes whatsoever. Hell, I even have good posture and no cavities.
They just want us to be healthier though, right? It’s because they care, right? Or is it simply because they don’t like looking at fat people? The latter seems likely.
When Nike launched a line of plus sized fitness wear, there were some negative reactions. Some were appalled at Nike for “promoting unhealthy bodies”.
Here’s the thing though…
If you are really concerned with our health, why are you against exercise wear being marketed towards us? What, exactly, do you want us to wear while we are pursuing a more active, healthier life? Maybe you just hope we’ll take care of that ugly business at home, in our own living rooms with the curtains closed, where you don’t have to see us. Maybe you want us to have the decency to drape our bulky bodies in dumpy t-shirts and sweats if we do step out into your world. Whatever we do, maybe what really matters is that you want us appropriately ashamed – and out of sight.
Judgements. Assumptions. Opinions. Disgust at the sight of a big body. All too often, that is what we fat folks face when we step out into the world with eveyone else. So maybe it IS brave. Maybe that personal trainer was right to commend me as such.
But should it be an act of bravery to just live a happy life in one’s own skin?